[pil-gruh-mij] noun any long journey, especially one undertaken as a special quest or for a votive purpose 'pilgrimage' - title of my masters show and book to accompany
Next weekend I will be travelling northwards to Banchory for my next meeting with the Composer David Ward. As the conclusion of our collaboration nears I have made it a priority to ensure that my contribution is completed so that the musicians have plenty of time to prepare for their performance. As the Masters Course nears completion and I prepare for my final show at the end of August I cannot help but critically reflect on the works that I have produced to date. My proposal two years back had been forged by my frustration at peoples narrow definition of beauty and an inherent need to explore media and new processes. I now recognise that my completed works are motivated by a more complex and personal agenda. That all I have made is a result of self healing: an extended journey of darkness through to light. The coast has provided me with the space to contemplate. The works I have created the solutions to my questions. This has been most evident in the films I have made for this collaboration. I understand that what I have produced is a cliché. A story that has been said before and will be retold again and again. However, I make no apology to you, my storytelling has lifted me from a dark place that I saw no escape from. Instead I encourage you to confront your demons and tell yours. Stills from latest film edit
A couple of surprise days off work and the sun benevolently casting its rays provided me with a window of opportunity to explore the coast and examine the tide line for found objects. Such explorations are best undertaken alone as I inspect the ground in an almost trance like state fearful of missing any special gift yielded by the sea. Companionship is a distraction, an intrusion. I could not help being rude for to engage fully with my task of searching means that I must disengage with humanity. Not that I do not wish to share a walk with a friend. It is merely a different experience, for I am equally prepared to devote myself completely and wholly to a companion as I would devote myself completely and wholly to the task of exploration. My crusade this week was to acquire weather worn plywood: recent storms providing hope for success. Whilst engaged in my task a fellow adventurer introduced himself and asked if I was an artist. We spoke briefly then went our separate ways for I was eager to complete my quest, the Masters deadline eminently approaching and always at the back of my mind. By journeys end I had been rewarded with 3 sheets of plywood. It was here too that I was re-joined by the inquisitive stranger who gifted me artifacts that he had come across along the seashore. Touched at Kenneth's kindness I thanked him, taken aback by his thoughtfulness and fascinated by his selection. Shell, stone vase artifact by Kenneth Burnett
Of all the advice given to me by my tutors at Gray's School of Art, the one that has really excited and challenged me is to be more considerate of the materials I select for projects. It is fair to say that when planning a sculpture I would use materials that where readily available. For the Masters Show I intended to produce casts of my Wartime Structures from a large sheet of lead that I owned. My tutors were excited that I wanted to do some hot metal casting but told me that lead could not be used because of its toxicity. That I should reconsider my choice of metal and replace it with one that was non-toxic and that may also be sympathetic to the nature of the project. It alarms me that the WW coastal batteries in the UK are disintegrating rapidly and will soon be lost for future generations to wonder upon. After much thought I decided that brass gun shells would be a fitting memorial. That maybe one of my sculptures would be a reminder of war in Britain. Sourcing enough ammunition for my casting purposes was going to take time and money. My quest found me at Steptoe's Yard, by Montrose. A cornucopia of randomness and disorder. Although my crusade for alloy was rewarded with a large brass shell the trajectory of the projects financing costs had steeply risen. It was clear that I would only be able to afford to make two or three small buildings.
Not wanting to disregard the remaining fabrications I began to consider new construction materials. With my tutors guidance still in mind I determined that concrete would be the responsive conclusion. This week saw me completing the first of a new series of mixed media works for the Masters Show. To date my found object pieces have been simply harmonious composites of textures and colours - compositions with little intervention other than placement and glue. This new series though, inspired by the artist Robert Callender, has markedly evolved with the addition of plaster, card, paint, wax and shellac. With each brave unknown outcome that I attempt I progress and personally grow. I am affected by deep emotions as I invest a part of myself in my works. My studio time is an intimate love affair were I am allowed to express myself in any way I choose. I may be weak, strong, or tender. I am involved, I am ensnared. Three posts detail
With so little time left to make works for the Masters Show it would seem obvious that all free time should be devoted to making. However, a surprise day off mid week saw me doing the exact opposite as I set off with my companion Andrew to follow the North Esk upstream to the Rocks of Solitude.
Although the works I have made to date for this show have been influenced by my visits to the coastline I am equally inspired by other environments. At the core of all my forged concepts is my inherent need to explore, question and understand. I am a child, I know nothing, I am eager to engage, play, make discoveries and learn. At the start of our woodland adventure we were met by several species of birds. I am embarrassed to admit that I could not ID them and concluded that I should invest in an identification book. Our second encounter was a number of large fish lazily swimming near the surface of the river. This observation led to us later researching the life cycle of the salmon. We noted grass, twigs and detritus in the branches of the trees that had been caused by recent flooding. We tried to imagine the volume of water that had consumed the landscape. My favourite engagement of the day was with a young red squirrel who darted in front of us to the end of a branch and eyeballed us intently making sure that we went on our way. As with all meanderings and adventures afoot I cannot leave without taking home something that has caught my eye. A small twig with lichen anchored to it took my fancy. The colour of the host organism reminding me of the green patina that is formed on copper when it degrades, I resolved to ascertain how I might recreate this environmental alchemy in my studio onto copper leaf. If you asked me to choose my medium of choice - digital or analogue - my initial gut reaction would be to choose analogue. For many reasons: I love the aesthetic designs, weight and manual functions of old cameras. Equipment that forces me to consider many calculations before I even press the shutter release. I'm afraid that I throw myself wholly at velocity into all that I do so tasks that make me slow down are good for me. In the darkroom I am intoxicated by the chemical cocktail of fumes and seduced by the seedy subdued red lighting. I am in love with the difficult processes that often produce imperfect perfect alternative outcomes because I haven't mastered the techniques.
On closer analysis of the choice though I recognise many aspects of digital photography that I am excited by too. The portability, cheapness and parameters that digital cameras provide. Being able to take hundreds of images on a shoot. The ability to edit images with ease in Photoshop. The wise decision therefore would be not to make a choice but to form an alliance.....a collaboration of opposites. Which is what I have been doing this week having taken digital photographs of my found objects, editing them in Photoshop to create well contrasted digital negatives then processing them in the darkroom making cyanotypes. It is through the success of my digital and analogue collaboration I have come to understand that faced with other extremes and opposites in my life that benefits are often found through partnership: old versus new, analytical versus emotional, shy versus outgoing. That choosing one extreme favourably over another is not necessarily the most rewarding course of action as collaborations of opposites often lead to outcomes that could not be achieved singularly. Having the time, resources and my own studio space to make self indulgent works is indeed a gift that I am truly grateful for. The freedom to immerse myself in the pain and pleasure that is making for makings sake satisfies my soul. I am so lucky that I do not have to make art to sustain myself financially. Each work instead being the medicine that nourishes me providing an outlet to express myself emotionally and intellectually. Over the last year I have been collecting regularly from the tide line. The treasures amassed methodically laid out on my studio floor so that I may regard and allow them to inspire me. It is only over the last couple of weeks that I have felt that I could begin to synthesize my collection. So that this process may not be disrupted I have made a supply of supports. To guide and galvanize me on my making journey I have revisited artists that influenced me when I was an undergraduate: Harvey Duke, Will Maclean, Tom McKendrick. It is fair to say that although these artists influenced me I was not brave enough at the time to make works like them. Instead I chose to produce paintings that would please others, that my friends and family could understand and accept, works that did not challenge. Maturity and confidence have finally allowed me to begin to make art for myself that I do not care if a viewing public likes or not. The first of my mixed media pieces uses three numbered posts I found just over a year ago at Barry Buddon Ministry of Defense Training Area. Added to the composition are layers of card which will then be covered in a homemade texture medium then layered with a van dyke crystal solution. I am not sure how the piece will turn out. Like I said earlier it is both a tortuous and gratifying process. It is a journey of discoveries and self discovery. Recipe for texture medium:
Mix together and use straight away. Working time approximately 10 minutes. |
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